I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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