So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
