My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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