Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
