The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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