bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
