Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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