The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
