How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
