i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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