I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
