He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You need Xanax blowdarts
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
