Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
