I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
