i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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