He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize