last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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