I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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