You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
