I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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