Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
