What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My liver just broke up with me...
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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