She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
