I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
