Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
