Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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