Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
