I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I smell stomach acid.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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