everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
