I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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