I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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