Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
