well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
be right there i have to get my cape
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
