I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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