yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize