i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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