It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
