4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
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Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
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Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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