If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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