perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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