walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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