So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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