Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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