No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
