she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i will never coherently bang her
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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