I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
