this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
