He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
