I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
