When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
this just has baby written all over it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
