I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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