the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
