he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
