i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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