she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
