So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
