So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
