I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
