Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
