How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
