if i can run in heels then i can drive
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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