On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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