I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
