Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
