Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize