What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I checked into jail on foursquare
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
